Roses in Winter
by fuzzydream
Summary: The War Memorial ceremony has arrived and Anna is happy. Spoilers for Series 5.


**A/N:** I'm really indulging myself here, but I couldn't let the little idea go away. Hope everyone enjoys it - let me know your thoughts! Many thanks to Terrie and her awesome editing. :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Downton Abbey.

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><p><em>Roses in Winter<em> by _fuzzydream_

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><p>She adjusted her hat slowly, taking a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. Anna suddenly felt so tired, and she definitely looked like it. The week had been way too busy for her own liking, and that was not to mention the trip to the police station – she could have done without all that, they both could have. But it didn't matter now; it was over. And even though she was relieved and so, so very happy that they could finally put this behind them, she also felt extremely tired. It was as if all the months of hiding and lying and worrying were only now taking its toll on her. She knew John wasn't much different either – his insomnia was still strong these days, and she would often wake to find him already looking at her. He told her once that he sometimes woke up thinking she had got up, and then afterwards he could not sleep, worrying, wanting to make sure she was protected.<p>

She looked at him through the mirror; he was adjusting his medals, and she beamed a proud smile at that, even if he wasn't looking at her. She felt protected now – that was something she didn't worry too much about. She trusted him to keep her safe, and that was enough for her.

"Everything alright, darling?" John asked as his gaze met hers.

She smiled. "I've got a bit of a headache. I'll go take something before we go."

"Are you all ready?" he asked her as she got up. He smiled. "That dress looks lovely on you."

She grinned at him, smoothing the dress against her hips; she really did like it. It was on a light blue colour, and John had helped her choose merely two days ago, though she knew shopping with her wasn't exactly his idea of a good day – but then, as he had said, they have every reason to believe every day was a good day for them.

For they were both free, well and healthy. That was all that mattered.

She adjusted his tie slightly. "Thank you. My husband has very good taste."

"That he does. He chose you, after all," he winked at her, and she nearly melted. He leaned down to capture her lips in a sweet kiss – but before long, it was over. They didn't have much time. He offered his arm to her. "Shall we, my dear?"

Her hand gripped the crook of his arm and they left for the war memorial.

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><p>The walk to the village was pleasant, even if it was a little warm. She and John stayed behind, as usual, and she was happy for the little moments they could steal – an event was always an opportunity to be together without thinking about the bell ringing and of shoes to polish. She knew more than to take things for granted; time and time again proved her that.<p>

The warm weather wasn't doing her any good either, and she could feel the sweat at her temples. Perhaps she should have stayed home. Thankfully, John did not notice her discomfort, at least not yet, as he mentioned they might go for a walk later, if time allowed it. She nodded, not really as invested in the conversation as before, and he looked at her then. She knew her hat was blocking most of her face, but she still did not fool him.

"Anna, what's the matter?" he asked, his tone already betraying the worry she knew he felt. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she breathed. The sunlight was bothering her eyes a little. "My head still aches, but I'm sure it'll be gone soon."

As soon as she finished speaking, however, her feet wobbled beneath her, and she had to use John's arm as a support from falling. She barely registered what he was saying, but she felt both his strong hands holding her arms; it was as if the world was spinning towards her and she closed her eyes, trying to keep steady.

"Whatever is the matter?" Mrs Hughes said, and Anna could say she must be near them by now.

"I don't know, she's had a dizzy spell, I think, and she has a headache," John's voice is nearly panicked, and Anna opened her eyes again, trying to reassure him. "Anna, darling, are you alright?"

She pursed her lips and took a deep breath. "I think it's the heat or something. I don't… I don't feel well."

"You should never have left home feeling like this, child," Mrs Hughes said in a worried tone as well. Mr Carson stood beside John. "Come on, lean on me. We'll stop by the hospital before the ceremony starts."

"Hospital? No, Mrs Hughes, that isn't necessary," Anna said, shaking her head violently, but letting out a gasp of pain as her headache intensified.

"I think it very much is, judging by the state you're in!" Mrs Hughes promptly said. "We're closer to the village than to your cottage, we might as well make good use of it. A nurse can examine you and give you a powder."

"I can take her," John offered, his arms still holding her steady.

"Mr Bates, do I have to remind you that His Lordship will arrive soon and you are to be present at the ceremony, as a former soldier?" Mr Carson said, and John pursed his lips, clearly not satisfied with that fact.

"I'm fine. You know you must be there," Anna said softly. "Mrs Hughes and I will be there faster than anyone and I'm sure it's nothing. And the ceremony can't last more than fifteen minutes. Go and make me proud."

He nodded, but she knew he was too preoccupied to actually believe in her words. She tried a smile nonetheless, and took Mrs Hughes' arm before sharing another look with her husband. At any rate, perhaps going to the hospital would finally end the rather annoying headache she had been feeling for at least two days now, but she is quite sure everything is fine. Perhaps she's coming down with a cold, and the heart hardly helped.

Trying to keep her breathing steady as they walked, and ignoring Mrs Hughes' worrying glances, Anna made her way into the village, leaving the others behind.

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><p>John tapped his cane repeatedly onto the ground, not very keen on watching the ceremony. His eyes darted back and forth to the hospital entrance, and he had worked himself into quite a state by the time Mrs Hughes reached him. Dr Clarkson was there for the ceremony too, and John couldn't fathom why he wouldn't just go back to the hospital and see to Anna; he felt completely useless as he stood there, ready to run and see his wife at the mere movement.<p>

Before he could ask Mrs Hughes anything, she spoke.

"She's quite alright," she promptly assured him with a smile. "A nurse is with her, and they've given her something for the headache and some water. Her pressure might have been a little high but that's about it."

"Thank God," he breathed. "I'll go to her."

"Nonsense," Mrs Hughes shook her head. "She wants you here, and she's perfectly taken care of in there. His Lordship has just arrived; don't worry too much, and go see her once this is over, which shouldn't be long at all."

He stared back at the hospital once more, unsure of what to do. He wasn't there for Anna, once again.

"Mr Bates, Anna is fine. She'll stay there and she'll wait for Dr Clarkson to examine her once this is over, and you can be with her then," Mrs Hughes insisted, as if reading his own mind. "Let's get to our places. The sooner this starts, the sooner this will be over."

He nodded then; she was right. Surely Anna would only scold at him for being so worried. She was fine this morning – she would have told him if she didn't feel like going, surely. He walked slowly to the crowd, though not before casting one last glance to the hospital, and took a deep breath. He would be there soon.

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><p>He found Anna sitting behind the curtains in one of the beds as he followed a nurse into the hospital. She looked much better than before, definitely, not as pale and even smiled when he came in. Her coat and hat were draped across the bed and she was nursing a glass of water. He smiled in relief.<p>

"My darling," John said as he approached her, kissing her forehead. She felt a little warm. "How are you?"

"A little better," Anna admitted. "My blood pressure was a little high so it was probably just that. Mrs Hughes thinks I should wait for Dr Clarkson, but I think I'm much better now."

He shook her head. "He's on his way, I've already spoken to him. Mrs Hughes is right. We're here already, we can wait a little longer."

She let out a soft sigh and took another sip from her water. Her smile turned a little sad when she looked at him again.

"I'm sorry. I only seem to worry you these days," her voice was quiet. "I can't give you a little time, it seems."

John took her hand then, so much smaller than his, and shook his head. "Never. There's nothing to be sorry for. I just want to see you happy and well."

She gave his hand a little squeeze. "I am happy."

He smiled at her. That was a start – a very good start.

The door burst open and Dr Clarkson came in, smiling politely at some other patients before walking towards Anna's bed. He nodded at John before looking at Anna, reading a chart quickly and watching them both.

"Hello, Mrs Bates," the doctor said. "Mr Bates tells me you fainted on the way to the memorial."

"I did not faint," Anna threw a pointed look at John, who just shrugged. "I had a dizzy spell. I think it was the heat. I left home with a bit of a headache but I felt fine otherwise."

The doctor nodded, and John stepped aside to watch him check his wife's heartbeat and breathing. A few questions were asked in the meantime, and Anna answered them truthfully. Despite the stress of the week, everything had been normal. Perhaps it had only taken its toll on her.

"Have you been experiencing any nausea lately?" Dr Clarkson asked, and John watched it all with a cautious eye.

Anna's eyes met his. "Only a few days ago. I assumed I was just nervous."

"Please excuse me, Mrs Bates, but when did you have your last cycle?" the doctor asked directly, and John's eyes perked up.

Anna looked surprised at the question. "It was, ah, a few weeks ago. Last month – or perhaps the month before. I have been like that for the past few years," she admitted, a faint blush creeping into her cheeks. "Why?"

The doctor smiled at her. "I'd like to examine you further, Mrs Bates, just to be sure."

Anna nodded slowly, her eyes a little scared as she looked at John. He tried not to display any anxiousness, and he smiled encouragingly at her before stepping outside the curtains as Dr Clarkson requested and he waited. It could mean nothing, he knew, and he tried not to think too much of it. He could hear their voices, Anna answering some of his questions, and John stood nervously, leaning against the wall, waiting. It could be nothing, but it could also be… something.

It seemed like an eternity had passed before the curtain opened again and Dr Clarkson smiled at him. Anna was sitting down again, her eyes still nervous, and he could see a small trace of tears there. He didn't know what to expect – but when she met his gaze, and the smile that formed in her features was the brightest he had ever seen – he knew. No words were spoken; she merely nodded at his questioning glance and he walked to her, joining their hands together. He was quite sure he was smiling like a fool, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"You must be three months along, Mrs Bates," Dr Clarkson's voice brought him back to the present. "You're to be parents during the winter. The high blood pressure is not unusual at your age, Anna, but I'd advise you to try and rest today, and come by the hospital tomorrow so we can be sure it's nothing – the headache should be gone by then. Other than that, you look healthy and I see no reasons to not expect a healthy pregnancy. Congratulations."

"Thank you," John remembered to say before the doctor stepped away from them, giving him and Anna a bit of privacy. A tear finally escaped Anna's eyes but she still smiled. "Anna, my love."

She sniffed before pulling him into a hug, and she felt so small, so perfect in his arms. He kissed her hair lovingly and she pulled away after a few seconds, her delicate hands cupping his cheeks and her eyes glistened back at him. He couldn't even bare to think that he once thought she wouldn't want to have children with him – this woman, who gave him so much of herself, every day since the very first day they met, would now be giving him the greatest gift he could ever receive.

"Thank you," she said, and he shook her head, settling his hands on her waist as he looked down – suddenly expecting to see any signs underneath her stomach, but his heart burst with emotion all the same – she was carrying their child.

"I think I should be saying that to you," he joked, and she laughed, shaking her head. "We'll have an eventful winter, then."

"The best," she corrected him, before pulling him down for a kiss.

He was sure he had never loved her as much as he did now.


End file.
